The reason that I identify as gray-a, or asexual-ish, rather than full-tilt asexual, is that there are very specific ways in which I thoroughly enjoy sex. Anymore, masturbation is the primary manifestation of that. Occasionally I find somebody with whom I really click sexually in a long-term way, but that is definitely an exception, and a rare one at that.
Erotic energy is much easier for me to come by, and share with others. I realize that for many people, eroticism and sex are very closely linked. I also understand that it can be difficult for others to understand how they're not closely linked for me.
For me, erotic and sexual energies are like chocolate and squash. They're both pretty nifty, in the right contexts. Having one might sometimes make me want the other ("Gosh, it sure was nice having stuffed acorn squash for dinner. I think I'd like some chocolate cake for dessert!"). But they aren't something that I'm generally compelled to combine- I don't feel that my butternut squash soup would be improved by chocolate syrup.
Sure, there's the occasional chef who combines them in just the right way that they're pleasant together. Exciting! But by and large, most of us would drive the recipe right into the ground in a fiery crash if we tried to combine chocolate and squash. We accept this reality, and stick with recipes and dishes that everybody will enjoy.
It doesn't mean that I dislike one of those ingredients. I do like them both. I love to explore new types of squash, and new squash recipes with friends. And I love to indulge myself with dark chocolate (with sea salt!)- mmmm. But I'm happy to keep them separate. I mean-- adding chocolate to squash? That would just be weird.
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