So a funny thing has happened lately. I've had a pretty sharp uptick in my libido. I've got some theories as to why that might be, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, I'm all, "Yeah, sex sounds awesome, let's do that! Fuck yes, sex!" And, as usual for me, all this enthusiasm has been directed at an exceptionally short list of people.
I decided to do a little thought experiment with myself, since sex has been seeming like such a great idea. Delicately, tentatively, I sent a few little probes into my mind to see if maybe I might be a little interested in some of the people who it would really, really make sense for me to want to have sex with. People who are attractive to me in many of the non-sexy ways. People who I like and trust. Was there any libido that might get kicked in a different direction..?
Nope. Nope, definitely not. Still not interested.
But it did make me realize that some part of me still thinks I'm broken. That maybe, if I get fucked in just the right way, or do just the right little dance in my own head, or stumble upon some fantastic magical cure, suddenly it will click, and I'll relate to sex like a normal person (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean). I'll be fixed.
Nope. Nope, definitely not. Still not interested.
And that's okay.
