Different people have different skill sets. Some folks are skilled with needles. Some folks are skilled with rope bondage. Some folks are skilled with psychological play. And while we can all generally improve our skill sets, some of us are going to max out in a less adept place than others will.
And we only will be cognizant of that some of the time. It's one of those things that's pretty tricky to to be meaningfully self-honest and self-aware about. Hell, it's one of those things that's tricky to get solid, objective feedback on. So very, very few people will think of themselves as a dumbass. Or a predator.
And yet, "Don't be a dumbass" and "Don't be a predator" are often given as stand-alone safety/logic warnings. Which would be would be perfectly great and sufficient were it not for that part where nobody self-identifies as such. It will damn near always be read as a warning for somebody else. You know, those other people over there. The dumbasses, the predators. Not me.
I have no qualms with people putting information/content/ideas out there that are not appropriate for all skill levels. I support greater access to information and education, from introductory through advanced levels. Breath play is a particular area where this has been in my awareness. While many folks argue that breath play is simply too dangerous to teach, it's also the kind of play that many, many people- both in and out of the kink scene- practice at home. With or without education. Given this, I think that more information is the decidedly preferable option- questions of legal liability for the educator aside. Recently, my thoughts on this trajectory have gotten complicated.
In addition to pictures of funny cats, the internet has brought us all sorts of photos of edge play. Since most of my photo-perving time is devoted to rope bondage, that's what I'm most familiar with in this regard. We have strappado suspensions, predicament ties with bottoms perched precariously on tall structures, and suspensions in which one of the primary load-bearing points is the throat. All carry very real risks of injury requiring months to recover- or worse. And I firmly believe that all of those are risks which people can assess and choose to accept.
In addition to Bondage101, kink education has brought us all sorts of techniques for edge play. We have classes on gun play, abductions, and explicit limit-pushing. It's the latter that has sparked a discussion that keeps popping up on my kinky internet feed. The discussion started after a friend of mine attended a class on this topic by at a conference. Based particularly on personal accounts from folks who have played with the presenter in question, the discussion does not seem to be about the presenter's ability to do these things in a way that is as safe as possible. The focus seems to be instead on the danger of putting these tools and techniques in the hands of a mixed audience.
So what's the sweet spot? How can information be made accessible to those who can use it well, without unwittingly encouraging people to make higher-risk decisions which they really are not equipped to make?
I know that I, for one, am interested in more information on things like breath play, higher-risk rope bondage, and limit-pushing. Preferably all at once. But only with highly trusted partners. And my partners and I should be able to make those decision for ourselves. Because we're not dumbasses or predators!
Oh, right. That again.
I don't have an answer. I'm extremely uncomfortable with the notion of censorship (whether external or self-imposed) in the name of keeping people from ideas and information that have been deemed unacceptably dangerous. On the other hand, we are social creatures prone to imitation. I know that I'm often inspired by play I see in the dungeons, classes, or represented online- I expect at least a few others are as well. As subsets of the kink community race to one-up each other with the next edgy, dangerous thing, I expect that the baseline of perceived risk will shift.
I expect that this is a conversation which will continue to unfold both in my own mind and the broader kink community. Hopefully it will unfold with minimal harm and maximum hotness.
