When it comes to relationships, I don't color in the lines. Polyamory lends itself to that, with the notion of letting relationships simply be what they are, whatever that looks like. Asexuality(ishness) makes that trend even more prominent in my life. I have friends, and acquaintances. And I have people that I'm entangled with in some... other... way. My husband, who I respect and adore wholeheartedly. It's a non-sexual, non-romantic marriage, but "good friends" doesn't begin capture the depth of his role in my life. Or my adventure co-pilot, with whom I enthusiastically play and spill my guts to. We explore new territory together, and sometimes hold hands.
Or the woman I've been quasi-dating for a few months now. She's pretty awesome. We've talked about the ambiguity of our relationship, and all of the directions in which it's not going. And we've talked about our mutual comfort with that ambiguity. The other day, she casually mentioned how it had recently come up that she wasn't sure what it would look like if our relationship- whatever it is- ended. "She doesn't have sex, and in fact she doesn't even really kiss. So if it ended... what would that look like? Would I even know?"
And.. holy shit, I have no answer for that. I don't know what it would look like either. So much as possible, my relationships tend to evolve rather than end entirely. Fluffy answers like, "Well, it would feel different" are wholly unsatisfactory to me. But that's all that I have. My relationships don't come with the clear parameters and flags. There aren't clear roadmarkers telling us what it is or isn't. They just... are.
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