The Gray in Gray-A

There's a reason that I identify as gray-a, rather than strictly asexual.

It's because the kinds of sex that I like, I like a lot.  A whole freakin' lot. 

I haven't figured out the exact formula for good sex, by my definition.  It comes with some combination of general attraction, having the right kink buttons pushed, and a general feeling of safety, both emotional and physical.  And then on top of all of that, there's some magical, generally elusive special sauce.

Sometimes I feel like I've painted myself into an asexual little corner.  In most cases, I don't want people to view me as a sexual creature.  I don't have that special sauce (or whatever) with them, and at this point I'm pretty burnt out on having people write sexuality onto me when it isn't there.  I've experienced it from partners, from friends, from strangers who see my non-sexual nudie photos on the internet.  And I'm sick of it.

So I just say, "I'm not into genitals most of the time" and leave it at that, rather than leaving perceived openings for negotiation or wiggle room or exceptions or whatever else.

But really, I sure do miss having sex that works for me.